Caroline’s mind that is.
Summer always bring out behaviors in her that frustrate me and perplex me at the same time.
I feel bad for her yet mad at her at the same time. Sometimes she makes life so much harder for herself than it has to be.
I try to show her different ways of doing things, but she does not listen. She looks at me while I am talking and then she continues on her path that alienates those around her.
What am I speaking about specifically?
Her behavior around siblings, but even more so, her sibling’s friends.
Every time Savannah (and sometimes Avery) has a friend over to play or spend the night, I am reminded of what an absolute beat down it is.
Not from Savannah or her friend, they play quite nicely together. It is Caroline.
It starts as soon as she finds out the friend is coming over. She will ask to go wait for the friend outside, like the friend is coming to play with her.
I gently let her know that the friend is coming to see her sister. We talk about letting them have time alone together and so on. She seems to get it, until the friend shows up.
It escalates at warp speed the second the new soul arrives.
Savannah knows when she has company that she has to let Caroline play with them. That is a rule. But I also promise to give she and her friend time alone too. We figured that was a good compromise.
But it is like I have unleashed a beast. She becomes a little obsessive, very bossy, obnoxiously loud, quite abrasive, alarmingly competitive and a bit strange. I will sit back and quietly watch as the 3 of them interact.
I am at a loss. What is she doing? Why is she acting like that? It is no wonder the big girls beg me at every turn to let them play alone.
She turns into a different child.
When it is time for the girls to play alone her obsessive side comes out. Her idea of letting them play alone is for her to sit back and watch them. She will watch them out a window, she will sit outside the door of the room they are in (sometimes crying at the top of her lungs), she will peak around corners at them, sit on the stairs and just stare at them. She will pretend like she forgot something that just so happened to be exactly where the girls are playing. Major stalker, which of course really bothers the other girls.
I try to encourage her to play alone, but as most people who follow my blog know, she does not know how. She can entertain herself for about 5 minutes and then gets bored and follows people around or asks to watch tv. As far as I know, you can’t teach someone this art. Some kids can entertain themselves for hours and some kids 5 minutes is forever when they are playing alone.
I try to give her tips on how to play with he big kids.
You know… don’t boss them around, don’t cry when you don’t get your way, stop roughly grabbing and hugging them, don’t act like animals or make animal noises around them (usually cats), stop making everything into a competition, CALM DOWN and stop screaming all the time. Sigh. If only she would take my advice. She acts like someone just gave her 5 shots of espresso at times. Lol! Just in case you were wondering, yes, I do believe she has ADHD. (Though we have not had her officially diagnosed. I am sure when she starts kindergarten this fall it will come up.) It is so much more than that though. The jealousy, sibling rivalry, the thirst for every bit of attention from every person who walk in the door (usually lavishing a steady stream of flattery and lots of touching and hugging on them), the constant need for praise for even the smallest things, the desire to be in control of every situation and every person. This is what we are still working through.
Here is the crazy part. You get her alone, without the girls anywhere around, she is a doll baby. Totally precious.
The big girls stayed at their Grandma’s for a couple of days last week. So it was just Brent and I with Caroline and Jackson. She was so calm and sweet and somewhat quiet. No kidding. It was so refreshing and
so good for Brent and I to see this gentle side to her as opposed to the tornado she is known to be. If only it could be that way all of the time.
Of course, my biggest satisfaction was the absence of fighting. Oh man it was nice. My girls fight like the dickens. No matter what I do or say, they fight. They fight over anything but mostly over nothing. But it is constant…and I DESPISE it. I have tried everything to get them to stop. So now, I just make them take it somewhere else. Go outside, go upstairs, I don’t care where, just don’t do it near me. Good luck… may the best “man” win.
Why yes, this has been a whiny and venting post. I know that parenting is full of huge challenges, I get that. But this isn’t my first rodeo either. Could it be adoption related? Maybe. Could it be from ADHD or SPD? Yep. Could it just be from a VERY strong and aggressive personality? Might be. All I know is it is going to be a looooooong summer while I try to deal with it on a 24/7 basis.
Any suggestions for what has worked for you is always welcome!
I mean we are talking about my sanity here. :-)
It is a darn good thing she is so cute! :)
